Posts Tagged 'loyalty'

My Loyal Clone

I brought up the issue of family loyalty yesterday not because of any problems we are currently having with Big Daddy’s side of the family.  Most of those issues are way in the past.  They would have been but a blip on the radar screen if hubby would have understood that I needed him to stand by me.  The reason I brought the subject up was because of something that happened last week.

I mentioned that Oldest Son totaled his car last week.  Luckily, he had his seat belt on and was not injured at all.  But his car and the guard rail he hit were not so lucky.  He posted a picture of his twisted-up Toyota on his Facebook.  Naturally, he got a string of comments from concerned friends expressing sympathy and good wishes.  But he got one snarky unnecessary comment from the nasty little psychopath he was most recently dating.  Next to her evil ungrateful face were the words:   *covers mouth to hide laughter*

Upon seeing this, of course, my blood began to boil.  Oldest Son is the sweetest person in the world.  He, and we, did so much for this nasty bitch I don’t even know where to begin.  Despite red flags popping up EVERYWHERE, Big Daddy and I tried so hard to like her and give her the benefit of the doubt.  She used him shamelessly.  She lied to all of us.  Despite the fact that she was dating someone from a Catholic family, and was happily accepting scholarship money from the Catholic university she attends, she was one of those “devout Christians” who came from a “Christian” family that did not like Catholics.  She looked us all in the face and told us numerous times that 1.) She had been married but her husband had died.  She even made up what caused his death.  and 2.)  She had filed for divorce from the abusive husband but it had not quite gone through yet.  All of these things were untrue.  She was still married, had not filed for divorce, and started screwing around on her husband a few months after the marriage because he wasn’t servicing her enough.  Even then, after we found a totally damning piece of writing she had accidentally left at our house confirming all this and Oldest Son had civilly broken off the relationship, she felt the need to be so uncivil.

I controlled the urge to say what was in my head and instead commented sarcastically on what a good Christian she was and such a nice person, too.  After all, a woman my age sometimes needs to at least appear to be mature.  But my dear Middle Son J, all the way from Germany, let his true feelings fly.  He hurled personal insults.  He used the F-bomb.  And then he let Oldest Son know he was sorry about the car, and told him to find a nice replacement.

How wrong is it that I’m so proud of J?

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Family Loyalty

One of the very few things Big Daddy and I fight about has to do with family loyalty.  We both are very loyal to each other and to our children; our little family is the center of the world — for both of us.  But how we show that loyalty, and how we react to someone perceived to be slighting or attacking our family — that’s a whole different story.

It may have to do with our very different upbringing.  His father was very authoritarian and Big Daddy learned it was best to just obey and not make waves.  Meanwhile, I sometimes felt like the exasperated parent to my somewhat child-like folks.  If they pissed me off, I let them know it.  If you’re being a douche, it’s really hard for me to zip my lips, no matter who you are.

When someone messes with my little brood, I get irate.  If they slight them, I get hurt.  I’ll lash out, speak out, or get even.  When Big Daddy has a particularly bad day at work and comes home to vent and tell me about some asshole trying to make his job tougher or screwing him over, I get angry.  I get indignant, my eyes tear up, and I bitch about how much I hate the pricks screwing him over.  How dare they mess with my husband!  And then…hubby gets mad at me for getting mad!  What does he expect?  He just wants to vent these things and expects me to be able to listen and not get upset.  Well, obviously, I’m just not that mature folks.

On the other hand, when I feel our kids or I have gotten short shrift from someone, I want him to be indignant along with me.  I want him to snort and rage and tell somebody off.  I want him to stick up for us!   He gets mad for sure.  He’s been hurt and disappointed, too.  But it’s always a quiet mad.  I can almost see him choking it down and swallowing it, while I just want to spew it right back at the jerks.  It’s especially bad when it’s his side of the family; he’ll act all calm and unruffled like they haven’t hurt his feelings.  He’ll pretend like nothing wrong has happened.   He’ll let me vent and rage alone, and he doesn’t always have my back.  This hurts me way more than the original slight.  This is betrayal from someone I care about.


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