Green is for Forest Critters

I don’t believe in wasting anything.  I have leftover night every week so we don’t waste food.  We are fairly good about recycling.  We have a compost pile that turns our excess yard and kitchen waste into veggie-sprouting garden soil.  It’s just wrong to use the wonderful resources of the planet irresponsibly.  But…after about 2 million years on the planet, you can’t expect us to go back to living in caves and picking fleas off each other.

I’m not even going to get political about environmentalism.  It’s a good thing to think green.  You don’t have to believe the greed-mongers pushing cap-and-trade or the green fanatics fudging data about global temperatures to want to treat our world gently.  But we were put on this planet to live.  And we just don’t live like bears in the woods anymore.

I may not be the tidiest person in the world, but I need to be clean.  That means I will not wash my laundry in cold water, unless it’s a delicate load that specifically requires it.  Any person who expects me to do their laundry will use enough toilet paper so that they don’t leave skid marks on their dirty undies, even if the eco-czars frown on it.  I want to clean my kitchen with germ-killing bleaches and run the temperature boost  on my dishwasher’s hot water setting.  It may save something by not flushing the toilet frequently, but I don’t want to smell urine cooking all day in unflushed toilets, nor did I allow my boys to pee au natural in the outdoors, unless we were stuck somewhere without a port-a-john.  Our pampered evolutionary-weakened bodies would not allow us to survive too well living like we did thousands of years ago.

The ever-so-green magazine, Alternative Consumer, had an article on how to spend a “freegan Christmas.”  Can you say “cheap and totally devoid of life, fun, or joy?”  Let’s all grab some paper bags and make a tree mural, and color in some ornaments with Sharpies.  It doesn’t need to be very big since there won’t be many presents, and the few that are there will be sitting in yet another recycled paper bag.  No colored wrapping paper, no pretty cards, no glowing lights.  Yeah, that sounds like a fun holiday for the kiddies.

I’m planning on spending the next few days like the socialized secular American consumer that I am.  I still need to decorate the artificial tree we just set up today.  I have a few more goodies to buy for the Christmas stockings.  I’m going to arrange my lovely Christmas cards around the family room.  I’ll feel slightly shallow like the rest of you overindulgers, but I’ll enjoy seeing the smiles on the faces of my family members.  It’s only once a year.  Merry Christmas to all you who celebrate it!

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17 Responses to “Green is for Forest Critters”


  1. 1 Chris December 22, 2009 at 12:36 am

    I pee in the woods anyway. It’s my way of asserting man’s dominance over nature. or something to that effect. “When you pee, mark a tree!”

  2. 3 Cyndi December 22, 2009 at 12:47 am

    Merry Christmas to you too!!

  3. 4 Tammy December 22, 2009 at 9:05 am

    I can read between the lines and I am definitely seeing some Christmas spirit in this post……Any word on the addition of a little one for the holidays?

    Merry Christmas!

    • 5 les@mamaneeds2rant December 22, 2009 at 9:14 am

      Well, Tammy, our procrastination has extended into all areas. We still need to do the final step–which is to get fingerprinted. Once they have proof we’re not pervs, they’ll be able continue the process. Maybe for Easter?

  4. 6 Evenshine December 22, 2009 at 12:30 pm

    cheap and totally devoid of life, fun, or joy

    Yeah, baby! Bring it on!

    I’m more than a little skeptical on the whole vegan-crunchy-CO2-footprint whackiness. It’s just another form of fanaticism to me, one that has little (if any) merit. We might as well all wear hair shirts while doing penance for stepping on mother earth.

    • 7 les@mamaneeds2rant December 22, 2009 at 12:54 pm

      I agree, Evenshine. I want to laugh, enjoy life, and enjoy a nice big T-bone steak once in a while!

      Maybe if we allow our brilliant scientists to devise ways to improve the environment instead of funding them to promote a cap-and-tax agenda, we could all enjoy this Earth, and so could future generations.

  5. 8 robinaltman December 22, 2009 at 4:46 pm

    I completely agree. I do my best to help the environment – recycle, drag reusable bags to the grocery store. Hell – my next car will probably be a Prius. But I can’t stand holier than thou green people. Be green and shut up about it. That’s my motto.

    • 9 les@mamaneeds2rant December 22, 2009 at 5:14 pm

      Yes, Robin. Green is good, just like religion. But practice what you preach (hear that, AL GORE?), and share your tips without imposing your judgment and lifestyle onto us more moderate folks.

  6. 10 Consuella Banana Hammock December 23, 2009 at 12:27 am

    yes, yes, there are always extremists aren’t there? i know i could do better, be more green. i am trying to find practical and reasonable ways to do so. but i agree, we do take things too far. i read an article the other day that said that dogs were worse than cows for their “output.” what? are we supposed to kill all the dogs now?

  7. 12 Chris December 24, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    The Prius isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The manufacture of one requires rare-earth minerals and the like, which are usually obtained from Chinese strip-mining operations. The environmental impact of such operations is far worse and far better documented than that of the possible difference in emissions between a Prius and a non-hybrid car.
    And you won’t even save enough on gas to make up the added expense unless you’re some kind of constant driver. The way I see it, the pricey “green” alternatives and carbon offsets and whatnot are just a modern-day version of Catholic indulgences.
    Sure, it’s great, even essential, to maintain a sustainable lifestyle, but there’s a difference between conservation and religious fanatacism.

  8. 14 Dawn December 27, 2009 at 6:16 am

    I love the ethics of recycling, reusing, refurbishing. I dig that others are aware of what resources are squandered when they buy a car or a bottle of water.

    Some who embrace the green lifestyle do it in such a way that is clearly egocentric versus authentic.

    This post reminds me of a blog I haven’t paid much attention to for months! http://iowacompact.wordpress.com

  9. 15 robinaltman December 29, 2009 at 11:11 am

    Chris, I’m so bummed. Now I have to research cars and buy Consumer Reports. What a pain. And I thought I was being a good doobie. . .

  10. 16 John J Sweeney January 26, 2010 at 3:35 pm

    Wait!

    “The addition of a little one”?!?!?

    Did I miss something?

    • 17 les January 26, 2010 at 4:35 pm

      We are in the process of welcoming a foster child into our home. It’s taking longer than I thought, but we’re almost there!


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