As I unloaded the dishwasher for what seemed to be the hundredth time this week, I was cursing J’s college landlords under my breath.  He was supposed to be moved into his cozy little college apartment last week, the one they assured us would be completely constructed and ready to move in before the first week of school.  Instead, the poor kid has had to commute the 30 some miles every day, while I have had the pleasure of cleaning up the aftermath of his non-stop cooking and eating, and running the dishwasher every single day so we have glasses for him to mix up his various protein drinks and muscle-building concoctions.

According to some old-school gents on Dr. Phil yesterday, they just aren’t wired to do housework (implying that we women are!).  Their fragile little egos were damaged because instead of being out in the big wide world earning a paycheck, the recession has relegated them to the world of dirty dishes and laundry, while their wife brings home the bacon.  I’m not saying that losing one’s job wouldn’t be a blow to the ego, but these guys were mostly upset that now their wives were earning more money than they were (gasp!), and worse yet, they had to take care of the housework while she was out working!  One of them insisted that no way would he do that, and I wasn’t sure if he meant his wife would not work outside the home, meaning they would all go down in a sinking ship with no income at all, or if he expected her to not only go to work but then to take care of all the “menial” household duties that were so beneath his macho existence.

I did feel sorry for one newly retired man, however.  His wife seemed a bit anal and hostile over the idea that he was home while she was still working and going to school.  While I agree that if one spouse is working full-time and the other one is not, the bulk of the household duties should fall upon the one who is home most often to do them.  She nagged him about not doing more than he was doing, and criticized the way he cleaned house.  She bitched about the dust bunnies on the floor and bugged him about vacuuming the couch.  If I was married to her, I’d be in a heap of trouble!  In my world, as long as there is a decent meal ready sometime in the evening, clean clothes to wear and a pressed shirt for work, we’re doing okay.  When both of us are working full-time, we split up the household chores.  I launder and iron, hubby cooks and shops.  The household chores need to be done, and it’s all equally beneath both of us.  However, we suck it up and do it.

I find it hard to believe that in this day and age, there are still men out there that have never changed their child’s diaper or that expect their wife to do all the housework with no help from them because it’s “women’s work”.  I’m no more wired to clean a toilet than anybody else, and  it’s pretty obvious that these guys that think they’re too “manly” to scrub a floor are just too lazy and looking for an excuse.

11 Responses to “Wiring”

  1. 1 lynette September 3, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    amen! one of the dumbest admissions my husband ever made to me was early on when we were dating, he told me that as a teen he would intentionally perform chores poorly (mowing the lawn, etc.) so that the expectations fell upon one of his brothers and not him. i did tell him that he never should have told me that, because now i would know….

    i make quite a bit more than my husband working. and let me just say that i do EVERYTHING, including money management, household chores, errands, school-related stuff, overseeing kids’ medical care, dental care, and gift-buying. he does exactly the following — takes out the garbage, gets rid of the snow, mows the lawn, and cleans his own bathroom and does his own laundry (this does exclude the family loads of towels and bedding — those are mine).

    he claims he doesn’t know how to do the other stuff. hah. i know better. which let me tell you creates a huge amount of resentment on top of all the other BS in this marriage…

    which leads me to ask myself again, what am i getting out of this?

    • 2 les@mamaneeds2rant September 3, 2009 at 1:29 pm

      Ah, Lynette. Noooo. That doesn’t sound fair at all! At least you know he’s just an all around moocher–not just a sexist. I like the question Ann Landers used to ask: “Are you better off with him or without him?” Doing the housework isn’t everything–but if you get no emotional support, and are providing most of every other kind of support, you have to ask if it’s worth it. Sometimes love alone is enough to carry you through. Of course, only you can judge your current situation.

  2. 3 Cyndi September 3, 2009 at 3:45 pm

    This is ridiculous. I can’t believe these morons had the nerve to admit to this on national television. Their pathetic little egos are so fragile that they can’t do some housework?!

    Lynette: I did the same thing. Made more money (at times all the money) plus did the vast majority of everything else. He’s a grown man, he can handle his share.

  3. 5 enchantedflutterby September 3, 2009 at 8:36 pm

    I was never told it was a woman’s job. But the mental abuse that came from me not doing enough housework while he sat on his butt and played x360 all day made me do just enough to keep his mouth shut. It wasnt enough that I was leaving before 6 am and coming home between 6 and 9 at night. He didnt even watch the baby while I worked… he went to daycare. I had to do all the laundry, cleaning, shopping, etc. Unfortunately, when a boy spends 25-30 years without any household responsibility, he’s never going to learn it. He’s just going to bounce from one person to the next that will take care of his sorry, lazy, butt. Sadly, this is a topic that I could complain about for days. It only took me about three years to realize I am much better off without him. I also will not be moving in with any males any time soon.

    • 6 les@mamaneeds2rant September 3, 2009 at 9:37 pm

      Yuk. What makes assholes like this think they’re so special? And why do women allow them to continue this pattern? Good for you flutterby, for getting out of that sick one-sided relationship. And moms, you’re doing your sons no favor by enabling them to become these lazy slugs.

  4. 7 lifewithoutinstructions September 3, 2009 at 9:49 pm

    lol……………currently not working outside the home and my house still looks a wreck. Dog hair just floated over my foot like a tumbleweed in oklahoma! Men may think their egos are frail but what of the rest of society? My son cleans up after himself, my girls do not! Maria

  5. 9 Dawn September 4, 2009 at 8:38 am

    It’s funny that those who are resentful of their spouses will create a mountain out of a mole hill and look for reasons to be upset. That’s what misery looks like. People who keep score give me a rash.

    The woman who complained about her husband not doing things according to her ideals reminded me of someone I was married to who couldn’t quite grasp the whole birthing and nursing an infant phase. Expecting a perfectly kept home is insane no matter what circumstances are. Thinking you know what other peoples priorities are is equally insane.

  6. 10 robinaltman September 7, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    These guys on TV just sound like weenies. My husband can be a weenie at times. Then I yell at him, insult him, berate him, and make him go to marriage counseling. He eventually gives in. Particularly when the marriage counselor says, “Adam, you’re a weenie.” He’s gotten way better over the years. And the marriage counselors have gotten way richer.

  1. 1 Codependence | So Much More Than A Mom Trackback on September 3, 2009 at 11:08 pm

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