You Don’t NEED Him, Rihanna

You’re gorgeous.  You’re young, rich, and talented.  Why in the hell do you want to go back to a bratty little teenage boy who couldn’t control himself and used your pretty face for a punching bag?

I sympathize with victims of abuse, but only with those victims that unknowingly get trapped into the situation and can’t escape.  The ones that can flee, that can safely escape or put the jerk away where jerks belong but for some reason choose not to do so, are the ones that make me angry.  They make me angrier than the abuser.  The abuser is just being what they are.  The willing victim is helping to perpetuate the monster, twisting reality and enabling the abuser to excuse their very unacceptable behavior.

They say that people that grow up witnessing abuse are more prone to be abusers or victims of abuse.  I suppose they’ve done studies to back up this theory.  But again, there are plenty of people exposed to bad things that choose a different path.  Because witnessing something like this would make me even more determined not to put up with something so wrong.

Chris Brown could easily have ruined Rihanna’s million dollar career.  Just a little tighter choke hold could have ruined her voice.  The two of them are sending a message to young impressionable kids that it’s okay to beat up on a woman if she makes you mad enough.  This ticks me off.

Guys aren’t always the abusers.  And the abuse isn’t always physical.  If you have someone in your life that puts you down, tries to control your every move, or tries to make you feel bad about yourself, think twice about strapping on that ball and chain.

One of my boys has a friend (we’ll call him M) that’s engaged to a very controlling young woman.  He’s not allowed to go anywhere unless she’s with him.  He wanted my son to call her up and ask if she would allow M to come over and visit with his friends, but to not let on that M asked him to do this.  I want to shake this young man and say,  “Run–while you still can!”

12 Responses to “You Don’t NEED Him, Rihanna”

  1. 1 recipe for chaos March 4, 2009 at 8:49 am

    I agree! I think news reports are saying now that Rihanna is the one that started hitting first. They say their is three sides to every story, His, Hers and the Truth and usually they hold no resemblance to each other. It’s not right to strike out in ANY situation, male or female. I know from experience if it happens once it will more than likely happen again. I can’t help but wonder if society (music, games and movies) are making examples of violence more prevalent. So much so that it is a first reaction response like shooting in a game. It’s sad that this event will publicly shadow both of them for the rest of their lives and at their age, so young, its a tragedy.

  2. 2 sheribear9202 March 4, 2009 at 9:28 am

    Awe, that’s so sad!!! I’ve had a few bad choices in my dating life, but only one got physical. And that ended immediately.

    M, God love him, doens’t realize what he’s getting into. Once he married her, his life will be over. I’ve seen similar situations happen with some people I know, and as soon as that wedding band goes on, all hell breaks loose. Wish I could meet him, but considering what I already know of the gf, she’d have a fit over him being with “another girl”.

    And when it comes to Rihanna, I can’t help but empathize with her because of her singing. She’s a fabulous singer, and a gorgeous woman, but completely and udderly an airhead for wanting him back.

    I think Rihanna, and M’s fiancee should both seek some council….(but who am i…right?) =P

  3. 3 robinaltman March 4, 2009 at 10:50 pm

    I totally agree that it sends a horrible message to young women. How could she possibly consider continuing a relationship? Time to dump this bad egg. That’s what the Oompa Loompas would do.

  4. 4 "S" March 5, 2009 at 4:49 pm

    well if the rumors are true that chris brown beat her because she gave him herpes then maybe the woman beaters all she can get now…

    • 5 mamaneeds2rant March 5, 2009 at 6:54 pm

      hmmm, S. That tidbit gives me the opportunity to dispense my motherly advice–AGAIN. Use protection, peeps. Good protection. And in addition to that, wear a heavy raincoat just to be sure. You’ll be herpes free and won’t have to settle for one of those beaters.

  5. 6 sheribear9202 March 5, 2009 at 11:22 pm

    Raincoat… with the hat and boots too? What about the umbrella?

    That was funny as heck!!!

  6. 8 Cyndi March 5, 2009 at 11:56 pm

    You know I’m going to go all psycho-babble on this topic. I don’t follow Hollywood gossip but have heard about this situation because it’s been ALL OVER. I don’t much about either of them. What I do know is that if she were abused as a child, this type of behavior from him seems normal, she would have a much higher tolerance for unacceptable behavior, and believe that she doesn’t deserve any better. It doesn’t matter how much fame or success a person achieves, if they believe they are worthless, they will allow others to treat them accordingly. It’s baffling to the outsider looking in of course. I feel sorry for her and hope she can realize that he’s bad news.

  7. 9 J March 16, 2009 at 12:37 am

    I wish people who obviously have no idea about the dynamics of abuse would avoid making judgments on things they do not understand. The fact of the matter is, there are MANY reasons that survivors of abuse remain in abusive situations; it doesn’t just come down to money and the means to leave.

    Physical abuse is almost always accompanied by mental abuse; a complicated “game” in which the abuser keeps their victim controlled and believing that they ARE in love with their person and the abuse is simply for their own good/their own fault. Just as we do not (I hope) judge individuals that get sucked into the coercive power of cults, we cannot judge domestic abuse victims; they are often brainwashed similarly to those in cults.

    Finally, in terms of “who did what.” We will never know who hit who first, who hit harder, who “started it”, and so on. What we DO know is that victims rarely invent situations of domestic violence – the bruises etc. are too hard to fake thus, Rihanna’s version has credibility. At the end of the day I see an incredibly bruised woman, and a relatively unscathed man – I’m willing to bet he was an abuser in some way.

    Unfortunately, women are often blamed in these situations – for not leaving, for physically fighting back, and so on. This is wrong, and this is not helpful in ending domestic violence. I posted on this issue a few days ago, and plan on following up tomorrow with a much larger post – read it if you would like to educate yourself about the nature of abuse so that your posts can be a more positive and informative resource!

  8. 10 mamaneeds2rant March 16, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    Thanks for stopping by, J. I totally agree that I do not–and can not–understand the dynamics of abuse. I just know that in me, my “fight or flight” instincts are very strong and I would not put up with some jackass beating or bullying me. I see young girls putting up with idiots beating and controlling them before they’re even married, but they’re too afraid to “be alone” to let him go. I see women putting law enforcement officers in the middle of dangerous domestic violence situations, but when she gets the chance to save herself and her suffering children from a life of hell by throwing the bum in jail, she won’t testify against him.
    Nobody NEEDS this kind of “love” and it’s better to stand on one’s own two feet than to put up with this. This is just my opinion and I appreciate you sharing your viewpoint on the matter.

  9. 11 Cyndi March 16, 2009 at 6:21 pm

    J- where can we find your blog post on this topic?

  10. 12 J March 16, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    I agree – without a doubt – that no one needs to remain in a relationship with an abuser; that kind of relationship is not love in the least and I completely understand where you’re coming from. It just upsets me to see people judging women who “can” leave for not leaving, because I feel that this judgment takes for granted the pressures and psychological traps that exist within so many abusive relationships, even those that include a woman who has the monetary capabilities to support herself.

    This is the blog post I mentioned in my previous comment if you’re interested… I’d love to hear your take on what I wrote!

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March 2009

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