Yay! I’m Saving Trees

After years of pleading, begging, and reasoning, I have finally gotten my way.  Tonight, we went to K-Mart and bought an artificial Christmas tree.  A Martha Stewart one, to be precise.  With pre-hung, Never Out, tiny clear lights.  It was even on sale.  My world rocks!

Big Daddy is such a traditionalist.  He had to have a real wedding.  With people.  And food.  I couldn’t care less about that kind of crap.  I wanted to be married, sure, but I didn’t need all that wedding junk.  My parents weren’t much into it either.  My mom even offered us money to go get married and skip the drama.  Yes!  Great idea!  But Big Daddy would have none of it.  Just like he would have no part in depriving himself and his children of the prickliness and piney scent of a real Christmas tree.

It’s not like I wanted a spiky silver aluminum tree with revolving color wheel like the tree I grew up with.  A realistic tasteful green tree would do just fine.  I would even spray pine-scented fragrance.  There are several reasons why I longed for the artificial beauty of a boxed tree:

Reason One:  I’m cheap.  I hated forking out the bucks every single year for something that was going to die in a couple weeks.  And prices could skyrocket–you were totally at the mercy of the Christmas tree vendors.

Reason Two:  The mess.  I actually had to vacuum more than ONCE A MONTH with all those blasted pine needles.

Reason Three:  I’m tired of being responsible for living things.  I raised three kids.  They’ve even suckered me into a second dog.  I just want to rest!  They want the live tree–and guess who gets stuck slouching down and watering it every single day?  Me.  The giver of sustenance who is not allowed to retire.

Reason Four:  And this may be the reason that Big Daddy took mercy on me and finally agreed that since the kids were all grown, he would indulge me and suffer the cruel fate of celebrating Christmas without a live tree.  And this may convince some of you that your first impression of me may have been right — you know, the nagging thought that there may be something just a bit wrong with Mama?  But I’m totally sincere when I tell you that I felt sad and guilty every year watching the poor tree we selected wither and die.  It’s just wrong, I tell you.

I’ve heard the arguments.  They grow these trees on farms on purpose just to be sold as Christmas trees.  They replenish them.  It’s no different than a farmer raising cattle for beef.

Well, yes it is.  A steak helps keep me alive.  A Christmas tree dies a pointless death.  Like a vestal virgin.  You dress it up in beauty — only to watch it sacrifice its life in its prime.  Then it lays in your yard for months with remnants of holiday sparkle shivering in the wind.  You finally watch it return to the earth as ash.  Or mulch.

Happy tree shopping, y’all!

11 Responses to “Yay! I’m Saving Trees”

  1. 1 Sheri December 6, 2008 at 10:34 am

    wow.. that’s kinda cool… I had to tell Chris that I’d have to stay away from whatever room you had the tree in.. but now I don’t!!! =D

    I hate being allergic to evergreen trees. XD

  2. 2 Kathy December 6, 2008 at 5:05 pm

    Hi, Mrs. S! It’s Kathy, the one that Jason met at the beach incase you didn’t recognize the name. 🙂 I’ve been reading your blogs since Jas gave me the website and they are pretty interesting and I can even relate to some of them. Well, I just wanted to say hi and maybe catch up on things since i really havent talked to you since August or July! I don’t know if you have an email or instant messenger, but my adress is blueskys150@aol.com. Hope to talk to you soon!

  3. 3 mamaneeds2rant December 6, 2008 at 5:34 pm

    Hi, hon. So nice to hear from you. I will add you to my personal e-mail address book and talk to you soon!

  4. 4 "J" December 6, 2008 at 6:13 pm

    no way did dad finally cave and get the fake tree!!! tell him im ashamed.. haha deeply..deeply ashamed..

  5. 5 mamaneeds2rant December 6, 2008 at 6:17 pm

    Yes! No more needles stuck in my feet!!

  6. 6 John and Perla December 6, 2008 at 10:42 pm

    “a spiky silver aluminum tree with revolving color wheel” <– Big Daddy’s grandmother had one of those you know; ‘cept it was white.

    “They’ve even suckered me into a second dog.” Don’t even try it! You are crazy about boxers (um the dog breed) and especially THAT dog!

  7. 7 mamaneeds2rant December 6, 2008 at 11:46 pm

    But..but..they kept showing me pictures. Of little boxer dogs without homes. I..I..had to say YES. And yes, I do love the little pain in the butt.

  8. 8 Sheri December 7, 2008 at 12:21 pm

    and she loves you too!! =D

  9. 9 nathan's mom December 8, 2008 at 8:32 am

    I totally vote for artificial. Who wants dumb needles everywhere anyhow? Good for you.

    Ok – I got this great award that I am passing on to you because I love your blog.

    Please pick up at my site: http://allaboutpotential.wordpress.com/2008/12/08/i-got-bling-baby/

  10. 10 somuchmorethanamom December 8, 2008 at 10:06 am

    I’m allergic to them so I’ve been lucky enough to never have to deal with any of it. Aren’t pre-lit artificial trees wonderful?! 🙂

  11. 11 sheribear9202 December 8, 2008 at 10:37 am

    that’s what I bought… Saved me so much money on buying christmas lights.. LOL

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