Feeling Fat and Insecure

I normally love my life.  I work tax season–a cold and dreary time of year.  Then I emerge from my office when the lovely buds of spring are on the trees, and the air is fresh and gently warm.  I usually help out later in the year with some audits, but last year our biggest client was bought up by some European company with their own auditors.  And now the economy has taken a nosedive.  And my unemployment has just run out.  I’m seriously thinking about taking a temp job until tax season.  I saw one in the paper today that would suit me well.  Except that it will take up my time.  And my life.  And my freedom.  But Big Daddy works on straight commission.  We’re doing just fine right now.  But I’m feeling a little nervous about the future.  I feel like a squirrel wanting to sock away a ton of acorns for the winter.  So we’ll see. I just might check out the specs on that job tomorrow.

And…I vowed to never do another one.  But the other day in the mail were three entry forms for our local Turkey Trot 5K run.  One was addressed to Youngest Son, one to Soldier Son, and one to me.  Youngest Son and I have run quite a few 5K’s.  Soldier Son ran his first two years ago.  And that was supposed to be my last.  Of course, even Soldier Son beat me in his very first race.  It seems the more I train, the longer it takes me to finish.  And every single time I’m standing there at the start line, sandwiched in between the eager runners, I ask myself why the hell I’m doing this.  I hate getting up early.  I hate the pain in my jiggling stomach as I desperately try to keep up with even the runner in full turkey garb that passes me.  I hate the cold air whooshing into my lungs like a sharp knife and the clammy wave of nausea as I strain to keep running up the endless hill past the hospital.  And yet I’m actually thinking about running one more turkey trot.  Because I’m feeling fat.  And because I love the way I can stuff my face with turkey and gravy Thanksgiving Day without a shred of guilt because of that forced kick-start to my metabolism.

I hate to make myself run.  I hate to make myself work.  And I might soon be doing more of both.

4 Responses to “Feeling Fat and Insecure”

  1. 1 Chris October 20, 2008 at 5:13 am

    Well, if you’re going to do it, you may as well sign me up for it since i should be home in time for it.

    …I’m so going to hate myself for this…

  2. 2 mamaneeds2rant October 20, 2008 at 10:15 am

    The light of day has brought with it a more sane frame of mind. I’m leaning more towards no to both. But if I choose to suffer, you will def be suffering with me!!

  3. 4 Sheri November 11, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    I told Chris that if you want a running partner… I’ll gladly run with you. HAHA, I told him how I SUCK at running, so you’d pass me up.. and it’ll be perfect!

    BTW… I heard about the Scrabble…=D

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October 2008

Pittsburgh Bloggers

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